C’est pas grave, c’est une grève

One of the biggest paradoxes in French life is their ability to have a nonchalant attitude towards almost everything while simultaneously complaining all the time. The French attitude is generally really easy-going (some say lazy, I say leisurely) but at the same time Parisians are notorious for their complaining, there is always some sort of protest and there is frequently a strike (grève).

Seriously, one of the first expressions I learned was ‘c’est pas grave’, or it’s not a big deal. I hear it like 3 times a day and they say it for all types of situations: don’t worry about it, never mind, it doesn’t matter. The three year old is even starting to say it! It’s usually said with a frown-like facial expression, shrug or head shake to drive home the fact that they really don’t care about whatever it is they are referring to. ‘Bof’ is another French word that shows this sentiment, but also it kind of means they just aren’t impressed. ‘What did you think of the movie?’ ‘Bof’, a Parisian will say with a little sigh. Now let’s add in a little Parisian complaining and I will show you how they accomplish these seemingly contradictory reactions. ‘How was the movie?’ ‘It sucked, the story was stupid, I wish I saw the other one, but whatever, bof, c’est pas grave, I don’t care.’ See how they did it? Complaining while also brushing it off as unimportant. Easy enough to do with a movie.

But what about politics? Recently there was the European Union parliament elections. Because there is such a wide range of political parties (Communist, Socialist, Religious Conservative, Right, Far Right, Ecology, etc) it was hard to tell who was going to win and represent France. Ironically, the National Front won big even though their platform was that the EU should not exist in the first place. They are sort of equivalent to America’s Tea Party with a Nationalistic agenda- think ‘France First’ as a sort of slogan. I was talking with someone who had voted Ecology about the results. In America, you could expect a passionate response from someone coming from an opposing party (Think Rush Limbaugh vs Rachel Maddow, or just look at any message board referring to Obama as an anti-Christ Kenyan terrorist). This was not the case at all! She simply said, “I voted Ecology, but the far right won. You see there are a lot of people who live in the country who don’t really understand the EU system. I learned about this stuff in business school.” Then she did the Parisian shrug. Do you see what I mean now?! Like, hey this sucks, a bunch of uneducated people could potentially ruin our economic trading system and currency, but bof.

I have really gotten used to this type of reaction to everyday things. But so far it hasn’t been serious complaining, more just subtly negative reactions accompanied by a somewhat indifferent attitude. Well, the French are experts at the ultimate complaint: Striking and protesting. Right now, it is the SNCF or French train company striking which is causing a lot, a lot of problems. They run the ever important RER trains which people take to commute to and from work in the city and their homes in the suburbs. They also go to the airports and Versailles chateau (read: tourists in June). I was looking into a day trip to a beach in Normandy, but that hope has been dashed for now. On top of it all, taxis are striking on Wednesdays now as well, so I have no idea how business people get to the airport on that day. Bus? And then all the high school students trying to take their big test the BAC can’t take the RER to the testing centers.

For the purposes of this writing, it has been interesting watching French people get all worked up. Like I am just imagining what used to be a train worker who was just coasting at his job before all the sudden becoming completely passionate. It’s like, Pierre, I didn’t know you still cared!! Take a look at this spokesman in the video (starting around :55).

He’s like: is this what you want for our trains, people of France?!!!? It’s personal now. Other than that, it’s just been eye rolls from Parisians. But they know it’s grave. Apparently it’s costing 80 million euros a day. Maybe I can organize a strike against the strikers. Other big strikes (see previous post) this year have been: teachers, lower level school employees (thanks for changing all nannies’ hours in Paris, jerks) and ongoing taxi strikes.

On to protests, a more frequent type of complaining which my French mother pointed out to me are different than strikes. Some of my favorites have been against a horse tax back in November and a group of animal activists just the other day. Apparently the animal activists all laid down in the street and played dead, stopping any cars from going forward. LOL. Right outside my window, wish I was there to take a picture. There are lots of little protests that start just across from my building since the arch was once a symbolism of monarchy. Even more start at Republique and Bastille and I once saw one outside my school near Montparnasse. The horse protest had people with little pretend horse heads on sticks, some real horses walking with them (wonder if they knew what was happening) and some funny signs (well, funny to me).

Horse tax strike, enough said

 

Then there are the famous feminist girls who go places without their shirts. Gosh I hope I see one before I leave. But if I don’t, c’est pas grave!

Cute Kid Stuff

Kids are universally cute. It’s evolution. Just like puppies, they do little cute things that make the older generations want to feed them and clothe them and love them and stuff. However, foreign kids have an extra level of cuteness. The accent to my foreign ears is already adorable and then there are the language differences that translate funny. An American kid can like a bunny and yeah it’s cute, but when French kids say, “Lapin! Lapin!” my heart just melts. When they try to speak English, it is like the ultimate cuteness collision of bunnies and puppies and children and French accents.

Victoire is obsessed with explaining (with big eyes and grand enthusiasm) to people “what Elyse says” and “what Victoire says” being that she thinks my language is all my own and vice versa. For a long time, it hasn’t been English she has been learning but my own Elyse language. “Me, I say fromage, and you, you say CHEESE.” One day her mom asked her, “How does Elyse say ‘Bonjour’?” Victoire responded with a hearty, “CHELLO”. Her mom laughed and corrected her, “Hello, Victoire, Hello.” Victoire responded very seriously, “No, Mom, Chello like Charlene”. Charlene is the cleaning lady. Whose work area, the laundry room, Victoire frequently refers to as the ‘chambre de Charlene’ or Charlene’s bedroom. She has since continued this little ‘h’ pronunciation into phrases like ‘Chelp me’ which soon became ‘Felp me’. Chelp us all.

Margaux can be curious about boyfriend stuff. One day she said to me nonchalantly, “I know you could find a French boyfriend, you’re blonde, you’re skinny and you have blue eyes.” When I laughed, she just shrugged all knowingly. That’s the equation for a little kid, they know what they are talking about. The subject came up again when I was babysitting the two together. Margaux asked, “Do you want an Italian boyfriend?” then did a little impression of an Italian speaking with their hands. Then, “A Spanish boyfriend?” acting like a little matador. Then, “A Chinese boyfriend?” while speaking a made up Asian language. Then Victoire, all giggling, jumps in and says, “Do you want a boyfriend put camembert?”…stinky cheese fart boyfriend.

LOL, hope it is not a sign of my declining maturity that I actually found this idea of hers really funny. What would a stinky cheese fart boyfriend even look like? I don’t know, but these are some of the best moments of an au pair.

Thoughts on abroad and Au Pair life

I have touched upon aspects of au pairing in many previous posts. Because it’s still the recruiting season and a lot of girls have contacted me inquiring, seriously and casually, about how to be an au pair and about some of the specifics of the process, I am going to elaborate. Here are some of the most important things I learned during my year as an au pair (i.e. reasons for you to consider being an au pair on a gap year or career break):

1.) Language

Well, isn’t that obvious. It feels great to learn a new language. A few friends showed interest in au pairing to me, but when I suggested Paris they just completely shut down and said they could never learn a new language. How would one know unless you have tried? Maybe, like me, they weren’t able to learn a language in a classroom. People should not underestimate the power of immersion! I learned more in a few months living with a family than I ever did in my years in a classroom. That being said, there should be some basic level of understanding so the language is not super overwhelming on arrival. Perfect scenario would be an intermediate student or on the threshold of fluency, but I was just a late beginner/early intermediate.

2.) Cooking!!

Boy was I intimidated by the kitchen before I came here. Sure, I had lived on my own and cooked for myself, but cooking for other people? What if they think my meals are weird? I was practically still a college student surviving on pasta, bagels and fruits. My mom gave me a couple kids cookbooks, the family bought an ‘easy recipe’ book in French and I went from there. The family gave me a couple basic lessons and kid-approved meals to do then I basically just watched the parents and learned. I remember being so amazed that these grown ups I lived with could just open up the fridge, pick out some ingredients and make a complete meal without pre-planning from a cookbook. Now this ‘free-style’ cooking is one of my favorite things to do!

3.) To have kids or not to have kids…

It’s fair to say you should not become an au pair if you do not like kids. More than that, you should like or at least have a lot of patience for kids’ antics. Kids get crazy ideas and notions sometimes, like the times Margaux wanted to stay home without me or wanted to play with mice at the park (“Souris [Mouse] is not dangerous, Elyse”). I have seen a few super annoyed nannies in my day, but French people don’t yell at their kids to discipline them at every disagreement. Food habits are really important to parents and then there is the ever looming ‘coin’ (corner– of shame) but other than that kids have a lot of space. Except at school. French school sounds like a slightly scary place (remember the opening sequence of The Simpsons with Bart writing the same thing on the chalkboard? That’s a go-to punishment here for as young as six). Anyways, all that being said, as an au pair you will find out pretty quickly if you want to have kids of your own!! And, through meeting so many families, you can see lots of different parenting styles (like frequent cake snacks vs never tasting sugar) and career combinations between parents. I like the one-parent-as-a-professor combo. Au pairing is your little chance to play house.

4.) Personal growth and stuff

The cheesy one. They say traveling is what makes your youth. You’ll meet lots of personalities and learn more about yourself as an individual as you will be far from home. You will also learn to the values of being flexible and having patience. The nature of the job is depending upon someone else’s schedule. The hours are really cool- hello, daytime working out and tv watching- but you are not making your own schedule or vacation time like with traditional jobs. It is extremely important for both the family and the au pair to be flexible personality-wise since they rely on each other and interact so much–especially if they are living together! Luckily, my family is the definition of this French flexibility and coolness. I had already developed flexibility from previous experiences and from having a naturally easy-going attitude, but I am more conscientious of it in every relationship now. I am much more patient now in general, especially with the girls. I just cannot imagine someone who is really rigid or easily frustrated or easily annoyed doing the au pair thing happily and harmoniously, family or fille. I came across some girls who wanted to be au pairs who just seemed way too picky and hard to please (Think: Ugh I can’t go out on a Friday cause I have to babysit or Ugh I can’t sleep in or Ugh my kid’s a whiner or Oh I can’t be bothered with this paperwork). At the end of the year, you will be a different you!

There you have it. Comment if you can think of more lessons learned from traveling!!

La jolie langue française

Why am I so happy with the French language today? Because it turns out I’ve mastered it!   I passed my big test! Well, not exactly mastered but I passed the 4th out of 6 levels, so I guess you could say I am mediocre in French, average, mais par la Sorbonne. Good thing we only need 10 out of 20 points to pass a test in this country. Vive la France!

To pay forward my gratitude to my French professor, who was sort-of the typical French language lover always quoting Victor Hugo and hilariously referring to English as ‘that other language’,  here is a list of some of the prettiest aspects I find in the French language:

1.) How much money do you win?

This one always makes me laugh. Instead of asking how much money one makes or earns, the French literally use the verb ‘to win’. I learned this when Margaux asked her mom how much money she wins everyday at work. What is it Frenchies, anyways, is it all just a game to you?! But really, this does say a little bit about the French culture and attitude towards work and material things in comparison to Americans. Many people really look at being rich or having luxury cars as a sign of luck, or that the owner somehow swindled and tricked his way into it. They also use the verb ‘to win’ when talking about saving time. Anyone want to win some time and take a shortcut? I guess I think this is a pretty way to express things because it makes life sound a little playful, winning money and time and all. Makes me think of Frodo Baggins skipping off to a party in the hillsides before Gollum and all the orcs got involved.

2.) Rights

Another one that makes me laugh. No, not human rights, silly, I’m not a monster. The French way of saying someone is allowed to do something is by saying they ‘have the right’. So when Margaux asks me if she can eat lots of Nutella at snack time she would say something like, ‘Elyse, do I have the right to eat this ridiculous amount of chocolate right now?’ Or when we argue about cartoons she might say, ‘My dad said I had the right to watch the ipad.’ It really sounds so dramatic and funny to me. Like… ‘Elyse, don’t interfere with my god-given, human RIGHT to eat this nutella and watch my iPad. Give me liberty or give me death!’ Also, my French mother once said I had the right to use the family vacuum. Was it Susan B Anthony who won me this right, I forget. I love it, this language and country! I have so many rights here. Unlike Victoire, who does not have the right to cross the street alone for example. Someone call the Human Rights Watch and get this toddlers’ rights restored! I could keep going with these little jokes. The point is, talking about rights people do or don’t have all the time is a little old-fashioned and sounds poetic. And no, Margaux, you do not have the right.

3.) Coming and going, coming and going

I’ll start off with a brief beginning French lesson so all of you non-French speakers can follow. In the most basic past tense, most verbs in French are used with the verb ‘to have’. Think in English: I have done that/I have eaten that. In French the verbs of coming and going are instead used with ‘to be’. Think if in English it was: I am arrived/I am left instead of I have arrived/I have left. This is pretty first because it differentiates verbs of movement and in a sense makes them more special, more poetic. It also forces people to memorize which verbs signify movement (then there are lots of other rules and exceptions) in order to push the grammar snobs one step above the rest. Ok, I know you are thinking, ‘yeah, so what Elyse?’ so here is the aspect that really clinched this particular French grammar rule as being beautiful: the verbs to be born and to die are grouped with the verbs of coming and going. Movement through life, if you will. So in French one expresses where someone was born or when someone died the same way as if they had just arrived or left a café. Does it seem more beautiful now?

4.) Past participle agreement

This rule follows the previously explained rule of coming and going. Then it goes a step further to make it even more beautiful by making the verbs even more special! I feel totally nerdy that I am writing this right now, like some drama kid writing about an interpretive dance piece, but it really is so beautiful. Those past participles with ‘to be’ must agree with subject in gender and number. So when a girl is born, it is spelled different than when a boy is born. Multiple girls and multiple boys being born is also spelled different. Simple enough so far. Past participles in French also agree with direct objects, but only if the object is replaced by a pronoun. This makes it more easy to follow what people are referring to! For instance, I forgot my glasses would be: J’ai oublié mes lunettes, but I forgot them (the glasses) would be: Je les ai oubliées. For some reason I find all this agreeing harmonious and pretty, call me a peace-maker if you want. And to think, I haven’t even touched upon pronomial or reflexive verb past tense agreement, which only agrees on the condition there is no indirect object. Sigh.

5.) Coup de foudre

Well, all the coup expressions in French are a little pretty. Coup means something like shock or blow, depending on the expression. Coup de foudre would be a shock of lightning, or what the French call love at first sight. Like there is some Cupid cloud man sending out bolts of love, or maybe that the feeling is so strong it is like a natural electric shock. I don’t know! It is just pretty. In related news, strike of the sun or coup de soleil is a sunburn but a strike of the hand is someone helping you out. Strike of the eye is just a glance. ;)

Ok, well that is it for tonight. I am sure I will think of more as I talk and listen to the girls. Good night and again, Vive La France!!!!!

Job Search Strategies – College debt, 20somethings & wanderers

Job Search Strategies, that was the name of the undergrad class I took my junior year which made my realize that in this economy…I was way behind. Well, at least my CV was. I had originally taken the class for an easy pass/fail credit and in a vague but doubtful hope that it might provide me with some direction. The professor quickly made me realize that this class was serious and that I was not measuring up to my suit-wearing, business major classmates who were already embarking on their third internship. I convinced him not to fail me, he became a little bit of a mentor (lent me a sleeping bag for a university volunteer trip!!) and in result I have paid a LOT more attention to seeking opportunities, as well as creatively crafting and perfecting all of today’s professional necessities. If only I knew at 18, what I know now…

Fast forward to today, a tough jobscape out there for 20somethings, it seems like we have to do everything perfectly right to even get a CHANCE at an interview. Well actually, be perfect, be creative, be lucky and then some. You try topping these creative resumes, or these, or these job stunts, or even look at the imaginary resumes of our two greatest presidents to see what expectations we have. I wish I could write ‘Proclaimed first National Day of Thanksgiving’ and ‘Built a mature army ready for battle’ on my resume complete with a Famous Quotes section. I see today everything from insanely attention grabbing Linked In profiles (20somethings with more text and braggy summaries of job descriptions than 50somethings directors and managers) to the lame ‘graduate seeking entry-level employment’ or ‘office professional’ with a selfie in the front seat of a car. Office professional?? What office? What profession? One of a kind, really.

In general, I would tell my 18 year old self to do nothing without a long-term plan. The days of advice like “Major in something you like, you’ll find a job later” or  “Follow your passion, it will work itself out!” are over. Our parents grew up in a different time where different rules could be followed in order to be successful. They don’t really get the position we are in as young people just entering the economy. In the 1970’s, wages were higher and people could literally work themselves through college at a minimum wage job. I worked a minimum wage job throughout college and barely worked myself through my grocery list.

My advice to the penny-pinchers and the above averagely ambitious: figure out what you could possibly want to do through experiences that won’t make you look like a slacker. I’ve met 18 year olds taking gap years, doing internships in high school and ones already graduating with an associates degree. Find a free living situation for as long as possible because rent is just wasted cost. Do anything you can to avoid debt. Maybe get a two year degree at an affordable community college while living at home so you can get a better paying job to support yourself in University. Whatever it is, start your resume now. I just read about how Obama’s 2008 campaign manager and Senior Advisor David Plouffe didn’t get his degree until 2010 (Yes, that would be after he crafted what is considered the most well-run and well-organized political campaigns in all of history). Seriously, do not put yourself in the college debt trap without a plan unless it’s a damn good school with a damn good professional program in your specialty.

As for the problems I am facing now, as a college grad with a humanities degree and some good experience, it seems like young people are in a catch-22 where we have to ‘specialize’ ourselves while somehow still remaining open to new opportunities. I have also made the risky decision to make my resume political. Up to this point I had been able to keep it only subtly Democrat, but I am now hoping to leverage some more good experience into a graduate school acceptance and then take it from there. More specifically, for people like me without a super ‘permanent address’ (you snobby homeowners) even formatting a cover letter begs for a pause. Right now I am applying for campaign jobs in Texas and Florida, resulting in resumes with differing addresses and details. On top of that, I am explaining how, even though they are hiring right now, I am across the ocean.

Speaking of this lovely country across the ocean, I have discovered the French go about their job searches a little differently. A while back I thought about putting together a little Frenchie resume to try and create a life here. Turns out, you put all your personal information right there on the CV. Picture, age, birthdate, marital status, kids, all of that is offered up front. I like to imagine all the scandalous possibilities for women…Age:22, Marital status: Single, Kids: 4. Yikes! Or…Age: 28, Marital Status: Married, Kids: 0. Miss future maternity leave! In France it is almost impossible to fire someone, so firms take hiring decisions very cautiously. Another reason why the economy is slow. My resume would also be quite scandalous in its political subtleties. Side note, I also meet an engineer every where I turn here, the market is completely saturated. Weird, since engineers can easily find jobs in the US.

Back to my problems, anyone have some more of that luck and/or some more links to creative job searching strategies? Or better yet a winning Democratic political campaign or consulting job in a city (Dallas, Tampa, Austin, Maine) where I would have free housing and transportation beginning in August? Wouldn’t mind copying ‘won a landslide reelection’ from good old honest abe’s resume ;) Had to try! Bien essayé, Elyse!

http://www.levo.com/articles/lifestyle/things-never-say-to-a-recent-college-graduate

French Schooled

Earlier this week, I finished the French studies I had embarked on last September. Really, I have embarked on this journey more than once (6 French teachers to no avail before I came to France but that can wait for another post). It feels good to reclaim my life back -it had been somewhat of an 8-8 marathon since I started more intense classes in February. Unfortunately, the big written test which I took at the fitting location Maison des Examens with hundreds of other French Language students was sort of a disaster. I finally have learned what the term ‘test anxiety’ means, a phrase I had formerly reserved as an adjective for the weak. Also, imagine finding two pages full of questions to answer-in another language-at the relatively last minute. Merde!

Tant pis. On the bright side, between this official Sorbonne test and my TCF test I took last December, I have a few observations to share. It is about time this blog started hitting upon the French education system. I must say, I found some of the exercises in the French test to be quite a caricature of some of my experiences here in France.

Let’s start with the TCF, which my first language school in Paris provided to the au pairs for free. This test was a marathon! It tests oral comprehension, written comprehension, and grammar. Then it assigns a level to the student as opposed to the pass/fail test I took last Saturday. Sounds much easier except most of the 100 questions there was a new situation such as a text to read or dialog to listen to. In the US, I was used to a single passage followed by four or five questions. By the time I left this TCF test, I had a headache from all the 50 or so random situations I had just read through at a rapid pace. Some of my favorites:

Picture of a business man entering a meeting room where his co-workers are already seated. He has sweat dripping on his face and an explanation point above his head. Entirely disheveled. The question: What should he say?! This was a softball but made me laugh nonetheless. The French really are more relaxed with time. Public transit is always late and people take two hour lunches. My prof had no issues with students coming in HOURS late. Maybe he should say, whatttuppp colleagues? That cafe I stopped to have was dope! Jk, I wrote that he is sorry for his retard. Retard = late, something I still sometimes immaturely giggle about. Then there was the exercise about the late train arriving to the platform. Then there was a text message from someone explaining they will be arriving just a little in retard. You get it. These French are traumatized by their inefficiencies.

Then there are all the ‘complainer’ exercises. The French really do complain, those pensive pessimists. Off the top of my head, I remember a letter to a company complaining about the quality of the product. ‘Incroyable!’ Then some citizen wrote a nice little paragraph complaining about urban noise in Toulouse (but he didn’t mind the lovers in the street staying out late, obvs). Also I very much enjoyed the old school teacher complaining about new technology. ‘These youngins and their fancy computers! There won’t be a spell check to save you all forever!’ I actually respect that one. White boards and legal pads for life.

Scattered about were the little passages about ecology and culture. Something about an environmental law for water, bee harvesting in Paris (actually a thing), state of conversation abroad (my head is down in shame right now), biodiversity, and chemicals for plants in Europe. That was a drag reading those in a foreign language. I think the bees did it in for me, or maybe plant biodiversity. Then they hit upon French Canada- apparently the symbol for Quebec represents a sharing of culture. Later came a little opinion text from someone whose job it is to spread culture in France arguing for free museums. Art should not be reserved for the elite, he writes, and we have a duty to open it up to all citizens! God, I hope Obama steals that line for next year’s state of the union.

As for my Sorbonne test, my favorite exercise was the girl in a bureaucratic office handling some sort of paperwork. Sounds about right, paperwork is a major part of life here in France. All the time Americans spend at stop lights they spend running around looking for whatever paper is missing. The girl in the exercise goes in, she is told to sit down. Then the next line is someone helping her (Didn’t they just tell her to sit and wait? Whatever. No coordination at all). Does she have all her paperwork (the DOSSIER, madame?). YES, she has all of it. I smile inside reading this. You’re almost through it, fictional student! When, they ask, is her internship over? Uh oh. She doesn’t know. Well, who does know? Her tutor knows, that is who. (Why her tutor knows and not her, I have no f-ing clue). Then, in a cruel ending, they send her away from the office to go ask her tutor and come back. Literally nothing is accomplished. Yes, this is personal for me, I know the violated-thrown out feeling that comes with waiting and preparing dossiers for hours (3 visits to medical insurance office in 2 days) only to be sent away at the very finale. I take a moment of silence for her unfair failure and then replace all the pronouns.

Later, I listened to the new marketing strategy for a cinema megaplex complete with couple seating for les amoureurs and then wrote an essay on my favorite manner of watching films. At the end there is when I found the page full of questions regarding a text about the physical effects of listening to music. Good for your heart and brain!

All in all, I believe I only created two new words throughout this big test. You are welcome, French Language Alliance. They are:

1.) Reperdre. Well, they asked me for opposite of the verb: retrouver, to find or refind something. Except I guess you can’t relose something in English either. I know because I see the red squiggly lines under the relose I just wrote. Yeah, you just lose something again. This word was definitely not in my French dictionary after.

2.) Lesienne. His, at least how I formerly spelled it. It’s actually le sien and this elementary mistake will be really embarassing for me as it is being corrected.

I won’t find out the results until June 10th. It would be really unfortunate if my nerves got the best of me since I was familiar with all the material. Except I guessed that sunglasses are feminine. I hope Celine from text number 5 finds those since it took me all of three minutes making sure all the verbs agreed with her stupid feminine plural sunglasses. Thanks a lot for losing those at the party the night before, Celine, forgetful Celine. Furthermore you made me choose between about four possible tenses and two moods. Oh, you are not sure where you left them- is that to say you are doubting something, little subjunctive user? Oh, you realized you had forgotten them the night before when you were outside enjoying the sun earlier this morning? Then someone called you, suddenly, while the weather was so beautiful. I see all your verb tricks missy. I needed to make a timeline for these exciting turn of events.

Oh well, not everyone needs the B1.2 diplôme 2me intermédiaire degré in French language from the Sorbonne. It will take up too much room on my good old CV anyways. My one regret: Not writing ‘Vive la France!’ at the end of my essay.

So you want to be an au pair?

‘Tis the season for au pair hunting. Au pairing -or bro pairing as I call it for boys- is a great way to travel because you don’t have to worry about finding a place to live or running out of money. I have had several friends approach me about how to go about being an au pair (or how to end up in Paris in general). If you, reading this blog, are anything like my friends who think the au pair gig is a totally sweet move, please keep reading. Here is a quick guide to help you on your way.

1.) Pick an agency or website

There are many agencies out there willing to help you on your quest to travel the world. Upside is they are a good support system, will explain the process to you, take care of some of the paperwork and trip organization, and might even place you with a new family if the first one is a complete disaster. Downside is these agencies cost some money. If you are like me and like to pinch pennies, join a free website. There are many. I would list some, but I feel it should be within your realm of skills to perform a google search. I personally used aupair-world.net which I found to be the easiest website to navigate. You will make a profile and be able to send and receive messages.

2.) Make an excellent profile and seek out families

This is the exhausting part. I can’t even remember how many families I contacted, or how many hours I spent drafting responses. I put lots of pictures up, choosing some to reflect my personality and with young cousins. I wrote my profile and continued making changes. I even went through the effort to translate my profile into the language of where I wanted to go which ended up helping me score my amazing host family. They wanted someone who really wanted to learn their language since they speak in English all day at work.

Petite conseille: Avoid talking about religion in profiles. I saw a lot of American au pair profiles talking about how they could teach the kids about Jesus. French families will more than likely not be interested in that, it’s a cultural thing. Even if it ends up being a religious family, better safe than sorry and leave that out.

3.) Be picky

I think this is the most important piece of advice I can offer. I have met and read about so many au pairs with horror stories. It is especially sad with non-European au pairs, since we put so much work into coming here. If you are anything like me, you would do just about anything for a chance to travel abroad. But let me tell you, Paris is no fun place to be hungry. Do not accept anything less than 70 euros pocket money a week. I think I get almost 90. That is after rent, food, phone and metro pass. Remember, you are the one moving to a new country without any family or friends, you should at least try to make sure you will be comfortable in someone else’s home.

Try to get a feel for the family. Ask questions. Do you want to live out for independence or live in to get the language and avoid getting too isolated? Will they pay you extra money for food? Do they seem really open and laid back, or will they expect you to spend all your time with them? Are there four or more kids? Will you go on vacations or weekend trips with them?

Good signs include: Having had an au pair before who you can talk to, an au pair having stayed more than one year, and a general interest in you, the potential au pair. Let me offer a few examples:

I was choosing between two families. Family A: primarily taking care of a 5 year old girl, and helping her 15 year old brother with homework. Live out situation, in a small apartment in a DIFFERENT neighborhood. Yet, when I asked about the distance, the mother answered that I will need a metro pass, but kind of blew it off as it is not expensive. She will also give me something like 30 extra euros a month for my own food, since it was a problem with the last au pair.

Family B was two small children and a live in situation, but I took it as a really good sign they wanted to pay for my metro pass even though I didn’t need it to do my job. It showed they cared about my experience in Paris. I was also able to talk to their last au pair who stayed two years and I was basically sold. In the end, it was just the feeling that they were really good people I could trust.

Other interactions I had while searching were people who were paying the same salary as a two child family, but they had four or five children. Another lady introduced herself and went straight into the list of household chores I would be doing. She had already mapped out all my days for me! I also got a lot of families in the suburbs of Paris who said it was only a 30 min train ride away (RER) but I am glad I held out for a family IN Paris, 2me arrondissement.

4.) Stay organized and do your research

Au pairs do have rights. Do not let a family try to avoid the proper system because it is hard or they are lazy. This could be disastrous. The visa process can be complicated and confusing, so stay on top of your ‘dossier’.

5.) Try to immerse yourself as soon as possible

I ordered two or three self teaching CDs and listened to a few podcasts for a few months beforehand. The language was still a big shock when I finally got here! I would also recommend listening to French news (try France24 app) and watching lots of French movies.

Above all, enjoy yourself and good luck!

Urban Smog and French Healthcare

I have been extremely busy with my French classes everyday, traveling to Madrid and Barcelona and now, as my French mother calls it, ‘en train de mourir’ or dying of horrible coughing fits.

It all started about two weeks ago when a cloud of smog descended upon the lovely metropolis of Paris. Actually, in a situation I found to be of the utmost urban irony or at the very least the logical following consequence of no one in power taking care of our environment, the smog the city creates didn’t evaporate or dilute into the air and travel away like usual to spread out over all the non polluting areas. Instead it just hovered over the city gradually creating a denser and denser cesspool over a week long period. Like a disgusting fume-filled bubble. Like a little cancer creating incubator. Or in my household’s case like a hacking cough trap. Apparently the cause is a mix of a lack of wind and rain, hot and dry weather in the day and cold nights, altogether trapping the smog in the early daylight.

The ‘beautiful weather’ explanation adds another layer of irony to this story. As winter left for that one weekend in exchange for excellent picnic weather, tempting every Parisian out of our little apartments where we had been drinking our cafes and drinking soup the past few months, not only did sunshine await us but also inescapable particles of smog. Everywhere we turn. By the end of our picnics we looked into the limitedly-visible heavens and prayed for our cold, damp weather back. I do believe the gods of mother earth and environmental harmony were laughing at us all. We are [death] reaping what [pollution] we sow.

You probably think I am being dramatic. However, if I could upload a sound bite of the hacking cough me and the two (innocent and undeserving and nonpolluting) young ones have, you’d react like the dozens of other people who have told me to see a doctor straight away. Further proof is this picture:

Normal ‘not our problem’ pollution vs. Cancer Cesspool

How did the city respond? They opened up public transportation to everyone. Completely free. On the one hand it was great because I had an extra three square inches of room in my bag where my Navigo Pass usually goes, but on the other hand, the citizens of Paris were squished into buses like sardines. It was a free-for-all. There was no more organized order of entrances and exits, just the hope we could fit into the chaos before the doors close. Then police blocked off or limited motor traffic into the city. Anyone who passed me on the street all alone in their car definitely got an evil glance. Emergency rooms filled up with respiratory complaints. Some of the more pollution experienced Asian people wore masks. Now apparently the city is opening criminal investigations into what happened.

Well, anyways. This too shall pass. Finally, after a couple days googling possible causes of my cough (PNEUMONIA? Atelectasis? Collapsed lung?), complications (Bruised ribs? Hernias? Chronic bronchitis?), phrases like ‘feel like I can’t breathe’, after some sharp pains and what is apparently a pulled muscle under my left rib from violent coughing spouts, I caved this morning and went to the doctor (or as we call it, Chez Max Budfowski in a lispy 2 year old Victoire voice).

See, I am a little traumatized from my American health care experiences, where seeing a clinic doctor on a non-routine visit once cost me about 200 dollars, a round of anti-biotics cost me 80, and a shot of steroids another 50 or so. With insurance. All I remember was seeing the bill, realizing it was an entire $400 week paycheck and panicking, only adding to my growing list of medical symptoms. Basically, in the US, I learned to assemble all my medical concerns and questions into one jam-packed list during my once a year free visit. “Okay doc, shut the door, we got a lot of ground to cover you see, a lot of things to talk about, and not a lot of time. What do you know about recurring sinus infections? Does this mark look normal? Do you think I’m anemic? Can we run a quick allergy test? Should I be worried about this bump? Maybe a full body scan will be most efficient. And by the way, we will only be sticking to generic drugs or samples today.” The poor can simply not get sick in that country, not even the working poor.

So today, as I was explaining to my French student lady doctor that I have not yet received my carte vitale or social security number from the French bureaucracy masquerading as an efficient government and thus will need a signed form in order to be reimbursed at a later date by the government, I gulped a little as I took out my debit card to pay the cost, silently calculating in my mind my remaining end of the month funds. My grand total, without any form of insurance, paying in full, having had the undivided attention of a medical student for a full fifteen minutes, was…

29,00 euros. To be reimbursed. I felt like I was stealing something.

I took my three prescriptions to the pharmacy down the street. I opted to get only the inhaler, thinking I couldn’t get lucky twice in one day and that I better not go overboard getting the claritin and antibiotics. The pharmacist got the inhaler and prepared my little reimbursement paper. “How will you be paying?” The pharmacist asked me. “By card,” I responded, gulping once more. “5 euros 10 cents please,” he said while pointing to the machine. “Oh, I think I got this one in cash,” I, the little medicine thief, said.

Wow. The American healthcare system really blows. How are more people not infuriated by this blatant injustice? The cough that cost me 35 euros here would have some people hundreds of dollars in the US. Maybe in a couple days I’ll go crazy and get the other two meds. Heck, maybe I’ll even just start going to doctors for fun and getting little tests run on me for peace of mind. There is definitely an allergist visit in my near future.

Until next time, breathe easy everyone. Remember environmental karma is alive and well in Paris. What smog goes around comes back around, or just stays in its original place to make its creators finally think about their environmental effects. In related news, the socialist candidate won the mayoral race here in Paris last night. The right-wing candidate was a form ecological minister, an environmentalist. The Koch brothers would be ashamed. I wanted her to win, to be honest. She was promising to renovate abandoned metro stations into night clubs, art galleries, and pools. Think of an underground pool in a Parisian metro! Here are some news links or you could just google Paris smog for a charming mental French vacation:

http://www.thelocal.fr/20140314/breath-easy-how-to-avoid-to-pollution

http://www.bbc.com/travel/feature/20140211-the-proposed-metro-makeover-every-parisian-is-talking-about?ocid=FR_outbrain_travel

http://www.thelocal.fr/20140325/criminal-probe-opens-int-france-into-air-pollution

http://www.theverge.com/2014/3/14/5507762/paris-offers-free-public-transportation-to-curb-air-pollution

English fails, cute kid edition

In my efforts to teach small children English, I have gathered quite a few hilarious examples of English fails (and even more cute Franglais examples for another post). Some of my favorites:

When leaving daycare, Victoire the 2 year old blondie, often stops, looks up at me with her big blue eyes, holds up her hands to me and says “Carry you?”. This one never ceases to make me laugh, as if she, in her infinite toddler strength, is propositioning to carry me down the street. I have tried to work on this one with her resulting in phrases such as: ‘Me want you carry’, ‘Me carry you’, ‘I want carry you’ and most frequently ‘Carry you me’.

My au pair friend’s kids are basically fluent in English, but haven’t quite nailed possessives. The youngest is frequently asking to use the ‘computer of mommy’ or the ‘bike of Milo’. It really ends up being a sort of polite 5 year old speak. The oldest has not yet mastered spelling, which became apparent to me when my friend received a text message from the oldest saying she had left her school things at home and that she was ‘domd’ as in doomed. As in a junior high melodramatic style melt down that I found thoroughly entertaining as I read through the very creatively spelled sequence of events. From this day forward, whenever I am in a tough spot, I always say to myself that I am domd. When it comes to reentering the world economy, I’m just completely domd. Really though, in all seriousness, the earth’s ozone layer is domd. Domd I tell you.

Then of course, there has been Margaux speak. This girl has made a lot of progress from the ‘I love it you!’ and the ‘not love it very well this’ days. Last night when asking her dad for seconds of pasta she said, “Another one pasta please.” In my opinion, it is quite a resourceful use of her limited vocabulary. Not even really a fail. Some of my favorite moments are when she translates French directly into English…The question ‘why?’ becomes ‘for what?’ in Margaux speak because in French the word is ‘pourquoi’. Another one is “Look me!” or “Look this!” since in French there is no preposition after the verb to look.

There are so many more examples that I can’t remember right now! Especially with Victoire, because she is learning French and English. I hear the English funnies on a daily basis and then forget them right after :( Does anyone else have a memorable English fail?

Au Pair for life? The struggle of Americans in Europe

“Au pair for life!”

It’s been a little inside joke between me and my best au pair friend since we met in September. Whenever we start feeling pressure or angst about the future, we look at each other and say “Au pair for lifeeee!”, maybe with our tongues out or with our hands shaped as rock on symbols, as if au pairing will be our lifelong career and it’s totally wild. We do this because in the beginning it was fun to imagine that we might never have to leave Paris. Ever since Margaux asked me at what age I chose my ‘metier’ (meaning profession, meaning that to her I am a professional babysitter or that au pairing is my chosen profession or that I am truly an au pair for life), I have thought more deeply about the au pair for life concept. I have yet to find a PhD program where I can research au pair phenomena in academia.

Fact is, au pairs have it pretty good in the grand scheme of the immigration food chain. We have visas, we have social security numbers, we have rent paid in central areas of a major metropolis (the most beautiful metropolis in the world?) and our salaries are basically for leisure. I would say I am better off financially here than I was when I was working my 8-5 job last year in Tampa. I eat really well with the family for free (before it was bagels, sandwiches, pasta, and rarely fresh fruit or vegetables; now it is almost all fresh vegetables, fruit, gourmet meat and cheese from fromageries), I don’t have to pay rent (that used to hurt), my cell phone is paid and my [public] transportation is paid (read no gas or car payment). If it weren’t for my pesky student loans in US currency, I could conceivably plateau as an au pair for life in Paris and be quite happy doing it.

The reality of living in Europe as an American (if you want to do it legally…) is that you have to plan ahead. The visa process is a pain and it was expensive. Once we have our titre de sejour, legally allowing us to work like a resident, we don’t want to let that go! It’s really tempting to just try to extend because we just don’t know if we will ever be back again. I know Americans who even enrolled in a master’s program here (at a cost of 700 euros, sweet education system) just to get the visa/carte de sejour extended, and never once ended up going to class. We call it gaming the system. It’s not like how other Europeans can just come and go from countries in the Schengen area as they please… It made me so jealous of the European au pairs in my classes who could literally decide a week before they want to move to Paris, find a babysitting job online, book a flight (or train!!!!) and just come work, legally! If they don’t like the family, the decision is just as easily reversible.

I’ve been talking to my American friends here in Europe about these difficulties for a while now. It kind of makes me think of that 80’s song ‘Should I stay or should I go’.    It seems like about every 6 months there is a shake up in the friend group, people deciding ‘should they stay or should they go now’, and some people inevitably end up leaving. The few that make it to the promised land of a professional job and extended work visa (or even better, a European passport) are only safe as long as their sponsoring bosses and contracts are around. One girl has been here like over 5 years working, but her boss just died, and she is worried the company will shut down the Paris office. So what does that mean– goodbye to the life she spent 5+ years making? My American neighbor, married and fully settled here, says if someone wants to live in Paris, they better get used to friends leaving. People just be passin’ through these parts. Makes sense, as most people can’t always be a student/English teacher/server/au pair for life.

These struggles all seemed so serious and unfair to me up until a couple weeks ago when I was visiting Madrid. A college friend is teaching English there and she has a pretty large group of American friends doing the same thing. To be exact, there are over a thousand Americans teaching English through a government program in Madrid alone. I discern between ‘English teacher’ and a person teaching English since most I met do not want to teach English their whole life, hardly enjoy it, and just do it to live in Europe. Anyways we were all talking over tapas and one girl (who is totally hilarious and precious) said exasperatedly, “Well, I might just have to suck it up and move to America for a while!” America, that pit. I laughed at the time, but this really made an impression on me. At the end of the day, we are deciding between two developed countries and the situation hardly seems as serious to me anymore. It is a huge and legitimate life decision, what continent to make a life on, but in the end it is a pretty blessed problem to have.

Realizing the frivolity of my choice has not made it any easier when I think about what life will be like reentering the US. 4 words: Texas with no car. It doesn’t make it easier that my best au pair is staying another year. I know many American au pairs who stayed in Europe 2 or 3 years after college, so I wouldn’t be a total black sheep. But is it worth sacrificing formative years building a career? Do I really believe I can reenter the country at a later time or is this my one shot? What’s an au pair to do? :(